Guess Whose Children Are Deprived
By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller
Robert White and Ernesto Gonzalez live on the same street. They work for competing insurance companies and earn approximately the same salary. Both men are married and have two children in elementary school. Both men attend school conferences and have regular family dinners.
Robert White employs a lawn service to take care of his yard. This frees him up to play golf on Sundays.
Ernesto Gonzalez has a push power mower and is teaching his children how to operate it safely, mow the grass, edge the lawn, and clean and put away the equipment when the job is finished. He doesn’t golf.
Mr. White takes his car to a local drive-through car wash. It only costs him eight dollars for the deluxe treatment, which takes less than ten minutes of his valuable time.
Mr. Gonzalez washes the family car every other Saturday in his driveway. His children help. Occasionally they have water fights and get soaking wet. Washing the car together takes over an hour.
Mr. White bought a TV for his children to keep in their bedroom. Now, if there is a disagreement about what to watch, different shows can be seen at the same time.
Mr. Gonzalez has one TV in the family room. He and his wife created boundaries about how much and what type of programming is allowed. They enforce the boundaries.
Mr. White bought a sandbox for his children. It has a swing set and slide attached. He assembled it himself.
Mr. Gonzalez bought boards and nails and built a sandbox with his children. They took turns hammering, sanding, and leveling. Minor injuries occurred: two slivers had to be removed and one smashed thumb required a Band-Aid along with ten minutes of nurturing.
When Mr. White’s son was bullied at school, he told the youngster, “If he threatens you, smack him. You hit him first.”
When Mr. Gonzalez’s son was bullied at school, he taught his son to use words, telling the bully, “I don’t like it when you threaten me. I don’t respond to threats.” He also taught his son how to communicate to school personnel if the problem remained unresolved. He role-played each scenario with his son several times.
When Mr. White’s children choose inappropriate behaviors, he puts them in time-out. When the time limit is reached, his children can end their confinement if they apologize.
When Mr. Gonzalez’s children choose inappropriate behaviors, he invests time teaching them the preferred behavior. He helps them create a plan for what to do differently next time and has them communicate their plan to the person affected.
Mr. White bought some books for his children at the airport on his last trip out of town. He figured they would like to read about motorcycles.
Mr. Gonzalez took his children to the library. He picked out two books on topics of interest to him, as did each of his children.
Both Mr. White and Mr. Gonzales love their children. Both think they are giving their children a great upbringing. Both are pleased with their parenting efforts.
One set of children is deprived. The other is not. Can you tell which is which? What about your own children? Where would they fit in these scenarios?
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose. They are two of the world’s foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or to obtain more information about how their forthcoming Internet radio show can help you transform your parenting style, visit their website today: www.personalpowerpress.com.
Used With Permission
